Cold Coffee.

I have a habit of filling up all of my free time with friends, conversations, or various things to do. A big part of it is because I adore spending time with people I love. I think the other reason though, is then I don’t have to sit in my own head for very long.

When I have some time to myself all I do is self-reflect myself in circles.

I worry constantly. About everything, and everyone.

I’m trying to learn not to. To simply enjoy a little time to myself this morning with my coffee.

So far I’ve already thought of 10 different things I should get done before the work week starts up again. People I should message to ask this, or that. Housework I need to do.

Do I have any groceries I need to buy?

Don’t forget to call the dentist in the morning tomorrow!

I’d love to just be able to sit without my mind constantly shouting things at me.

It’s not that I don’t like being in my own head.

It’s just that it never shuts up.

If you have ever been having a conversation with me and then notice I look mildly confused, that’s just me pulling myself back to reality after getting stuck in my head, yet again. I was probably far away in there, so it takes a minute to come back to myself, process what you just said, and then formulate an appropriate response.

I find it a fascinating trait when I can sit and explore it.

It’s also an incredibly annoying one when I’m trying very hard to be present in the moment.

I suppose this blog, whatever else it is, is a way for me to express pieces of where I go when I disappear.

A way to bring myself back, and relate to others who do the same sorts of things.

Or maybe even just help someone understand that their absent minded friend may be thinking of a thousand and one things while processing your conversation, and simultaneously berating herself for not being able to fully focus on your words.

I’m sorry. Could you repeat that?

Anyways, now my coffee is cold so I’m going to stop writing this, go pop it in the microwave, and promptly forget it’s there… 😂

Stay present in the moment if you can, but whatever you do, stay you.

😊💕

Pinwheels.

Yesterday I made pinwheels with my kids.

I swear this isn’t about to turn into a crafting tutorial or anything. Just bear with me here.

As this was our first time making them there was some trial and error involved.

A lot of “Don’t touch those yet, please.” “Hold on, let me check the instructions.” “Omg! Why are you cutting that!? Wait, wait, wait!!!” moments.

Crafting with kids is honestly just a mess. 😂

The first pinwheel we made was entirely too large. We practically had to empty our lungs just to get it to sort of spin, and no matter where we held the stick we could barely avoid blocking the blades.

It worked, but it was too large. Too hard to manage, and generally inefficient.

So we went back to the drawing board, and made the next one smaller.

This one worked much better. It was easier to avoid blocking the blades, and we didn’t have to use as much air to spin it.

It still wasn’t the most efficient thing, but it was much better.

It was certainly good enough to make the kids happy, and by then my patience was completely fried, so that’s where we stopped.

I was thinking about it today though.

I think we do things like that to ourselves a lot.

Make our pinwheels too big, I mean.

Take on too much. Overload ourselves to the point that we get in our own way.

We stop our momentum, because we’ve made things too heavy. We’ve put too much pressure on ourselves.

I do it to myself all the time. When I do it’s very hard not to get discouraged.

I’ve already done it to myself a few times with this new blog.

I want to keep improving though. Keep going.

I want to pause long enough to take note of the parts of my pinwheel that work, and the parts that could be improved on.

I need to remember that it’s okay to take a break when my patience is at its limit.

Recharging is just as important.

As long as I come back. Keep coming back.

Are there aspects of your life that you can relate this to as well? There are so many directions we could take this metaphor. I’d love to hear others.

As for me, I’m challenging myself.

Challenging myself to keep coming back. To keep improving.

Until that pinwheel works so well I barely have to breathe on it for it to spin.

🌬💖

Oh! If you do happen to want a simple pinwheel tutorial, I quite liked this one in spite of my own poor execution. 😂

Pinwheel Tutorial

✌🏽💕

Starting fresh.

This morning I cleaned the windshield of my car.

Yes, Grace, great way to start a blog. Talk about the mundane task of cleaning your windows.

Truly though, I’ve been driving around with this foggy, dirty windshield for months now. Every day I’ve thought “I really ought to clean that”, but I didn’t. I could list off a thousand reasons why I’ve been too busy, but realistically it just wasn’t high on my priority list. I figured, I can still see out of it, so why bother?

Well, today I bothered.

It’s amazing how clearly I can see through it now. My view is crisp, and bright. The colors even seemed to be more saturated.

Honestly, the window was really gross before. 😬😂

I can’t believe I went so long driving with it dirty now that it’s actually clean again.

It made me realize that this mental fog that I’ve been in lately is similar. I just haven’t had the time to sit down and really examine what I want to do. How I want to do it. Any of it.

I haven’t made the time.

So here I am. Starting this blog. I’m hoping it’ll be something like the metaphorical equivalent of cleaning my windshield. Maybe, if I take the time for some self examination, some self expression, some exploration… maybe I’ll be able to see more clearly the path ahead of me.

I’m ready to clean my windshield.

Feel free to come along for the ride! I’ll be sharing my thoughts, recounting my adventures, and figuring out this life after 30.

💕